YuviSense: Codin Kid

We were asked to write an essay on “Deforestation”. So, instead of the usual ol’ “Deforestation is bad. Aforestation is good” essay that everyone seems to write, here’s my try. Hope it’s good enough. I’m actually going to submit this thing and check out the reaction….

Introduction

Deforestation is the act of ridding the earth of space eating, moth ridden, water sucking, snake hosting pieces of wood otherwise known as trees. They were once found almost all over the world, but now, due to the untiring efforts of several large organizations dedicated to the preservation of humanity, the prevalence of these pieces of wood is decreasing considerably.

Origins

Despite the FUD (Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt) being created by certain unsavory personalities in the Scientific and Political circles, as well as the media, mankind is not the first to discover the art of deforestation. Dinosaurs raked out so much trees that any attempt to compare human deforestation to the deforestation done by the Dinosaurs would go completely bonkers. And those big lumbering lumbering machines lived 65 million years ago, which is so long ago that if someone were born at that time they would have forgotten their name by now. While it is true that Dinosaurs are no longer alive today (or we would be writing essays about escaping from a T.Rex on a rampage), it was a comet that got them and not the trees. So, to everyone who opposes deforestation, saying that it will ultimately lead to the destruction of the human race, watch out for the comet!

Uses

Deforestation has a multitude of uses that are not being given enough publicity. Like, for example, getting rid of all those damn trees near that Amazon river allowed a lot of people who never knew how to farm to try make a living out of growing crops on a land that never knew how to grow crops. They eventually got frustrated and moved out, leaving the land bare, desolate, even poisoned with the dozen fertilizers they tried, but experience matters, right? They told others, who promptly ignored them and continue the cycle to this day.

Or take the deforestation of the forests of Africa. If not for anything else, the near extinction of the damned man eating Tigers and Elephants (which, while technically cannot eat a man, might try and choke on one. Or might just decide to bore him (him, mind you, not her) with it’s round pointy tusk of a teeth) solely by continued deforestation is an accomplishment in itself. I mean, who likes big yellow striped things which can rip your throat apart on the same planet as themselves? We could have transported them off to Jupiter or somewhere, but deforestation is generally quicker, cheaper and doesn’t cause high noise pollution (We hate pollution, don’t we?) & ugly white streaks on the sky caused by some of the cheaper rockets (the costlier variety just bursts off even without having to take off from the soda bottle).

And the Indonesian forests. The deforestation there killed enough monkeys to make sure that man will never evolve from them again, making sure that us Homo Sapiens have a monopoly as the most intelligent species on the planet, barring species you can’t count because they don’t exist. How cool is that?

Conclusion

So, no matter what everyone else says, Deforestation is good for us. Believe me, despite this poorly constructed essay. If you don’t, you are wrong, because I am right and if you do not believe me, you are wrong. Got it?

For how long can I go on with the same essay structure? Let’s see how they deal with this satire/parody/whatever-technical-name-they-call-this-Rory-inspired-work.